How Long Should Someone Pray For A Specific Person To Become Their Spouse?

Q: How long should I persevere in prayer for marrying a specific person? I received some signs and reasons to be hopeful, but I’m not sure whether it’s idolatry or obsession to still pray and wait on God for this person.

A: This is a difficult question. From this distance, I know so little about your situation. But even if I knew a lot about your situation, I don’t know if I’d be able to tell you what to do. I think if you’ve been praying a long time for the Lord to bring you together with a specific person, and it just doesn’t seem like happening, I think it’s okay to stop praying about it, and to start praying that maybe God would bring you somebody else.

In all these things, what you want is the Lord’s will. It’s okay to say, “Well, Lord, maybe I got it wrong on that one, and if I did, that’s okay. But I want You to show me. I want You to lead me. I want You to guide me. I want to be guided to the person You want me to marry.”
That’s a good way to pray. However, I don’t think that this relieves you of the responsibility of making decisions. There are some people in life, especially when it comes to romantic relationships, who want to excuse themselves from making decisions. They want God to do it all. I believe that God often works in partnership with us in such things, but that means a partnership where there are things for us to do. We should not be entirely passive in our pursuit of a spouse, unless specifically instructed to do so by the Lord. But don’t look for excuses to ignore your own responsibility to do things.

But you know what? Let’s say this person really is the right person for you, and you stop praying for him. God’s hand isn’t short. He has heard all the prayers you prayed before, whether it was 50 prayers, 100 prayers, or 500 prayers. Regardless of how many, He has heard them all. If you stop praying, I don’t think God would say, “Well, that’s what I had in mind, but they stopped praying, so it’s over.” No.

But in this case, I think it’s okay for you to stop praying, start looking elsewhere, and say, “Lord, maybe You have somebody else for me.”