How Does A Wife Submit To An Unbelieving Husband With Narcissistic Traits?

Q: How can I submit to my unbelieving husband who has narcissistic traits?

A: It is obviously difficult with the dynamic of narcissistic traits, but you should look for ways to show respect and honor to your husband. When there are ways that you can't respect or honor what he does or who he is, look for something else that you can respect or honor in him.

For many couples, when love feels like it has somewhat died, it's helpful to remember what attracted you to that person and what you thought was wonderful about them in the happier years of your relationship. Those qualities, or at least a seed of them, may still be there for you to remember. A happy, healthy marriage has a lot to do with perspective. Your spouse may have many faults, but look for what is good in them and try to encourage and express your appreciation, love, and respect for that.

Ask God to give you a heart that submits in a way that does not contradict His principles. God commands you as a wife to submit to your husband, even if he is not a believer. However, nowhere in the Bible is submission on a human level supposed to be absolute. In different areas of submission—such as a citizen to their government, a child to their parent, or a wife to her husband—none of these commands to submit are absolute. If someone commands you to break God's law or if there is significant harm, we can act in self-defense, so to speak.

The commands to submit in marriage are high and challenging, and wives need to be challenged by that. However, it is not absolute, and we shouldn't regard it as such. I pray that God would help you to submit in a proper, God-honoring way, and as Peter said in his letters, that this might help win your husband to Christ.