Should A Believer Pursue Marriage With A Non-Believer?
Q: I’m a believer in a serious relationship with a non-believer, and I now realize our spiritual differences would not work in marriage. How can I end the relationship wisely, especially when family pressure is intense?
A: Inga-Lill Guzik: I think opportunity is key here. Give your boyfriend a place, time, and opportunity to be in a setting where the gospel is being preached. You might not be the one to do that, but if God is so much a part of your life, you’re going to want him to very clearly know and understand what that means. Bring him to church or even several different churches and Bible studies. He needs an opportunity to respond to the gospel and to come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I think that’s key.
You know it’s not going to happen if no opportunity is given him to receive the gospel. If you can, postpone the wedding itself until you’ve seen that he has an interest in the Lord or that he is asking questions about being a believer.
David Guzik: Would you say that she’s on the right track of saying, “I don’t think I should marry this man because he’s not a believer”?
Inga-Lill Guzik: I think that’s the right track to be at right now, absolutely.
David Guzik: And let’s just say it’s not because he’s fundamentally a horrible person or could never be a good husband or something like that. But it is true, and you’re perceiving this correctly, that at the fundamental core level of your life, your lives are being lived for different purposes with different goals in mind. And that is going to affect your marriage relationship very deeply and very profoundly.
Inga-Lill Guzik: So, give him the opportunity to respond to the gospel, but also pick up on any clues that he is anti-God, or opposed to you going to church. If that’s the case, I think the breakup is probably the better way to go. It doesn’t necessarily have to be done that way. But I think that you would live a more peaceful life in your marriage if you postponed the wedding now in order to see where he’s at.
Ask him completely straightforwardly why God is not part of his life now, what he has against Christianity, and what walls are there to begin with.
Having a great relationship with his parents doesn’t necessarily need to change. If something does happen and you break up, those are people who could be in your life no matter what. But having their backing and support about why you’re waiting is very important.
Give him an opportunity, wait until you know more, and allow him to respond to direct questions that you might have.