How Can a Couple Grow Together Spiritually?
Q: My wife and I are both Christians, but we sometimes struggle to grow together spiritually. What are some ways we can intentionally strengthen our relationship with God and with each other as a couple?
- Spiritual compatibility
- Pray together
- Go to church together
- Serve together, encourage one another’s service
Psalm 34:3
Oh, magnify the LORD with me,
And let us exalt His name together.
David Guzik: First of all, don’t be discouraged. Building up real spiritual growth together as a couple is something that evolves over time. You say that you and your wife sometimes struggle to grow together spiritually. To that I would say: Praise the Lord it’s not all the time! To sometimes struggle is not bad. Don’t think you’re doing badly; you’re doing well. Here are some practices to prioritize in your marriage.
Spiritual compatibility
First, I would encourage our listeners to think about spiritual compatibility going into marriage. Hopefully those who are already married considered this before the wedding. This is important for people to think about as they head into marriage. I understand that when you’re selecting a spouse, and thinking about a person to marry, you don’t always have the choice of the ideal. We can’t conjure up our ideal picture of a perfect spouse and demand perfection in that. But ideally, there will be a true spiritual compatibility between you and the person you’re marrying. By that I mean that your hearts will beat together for the Lord. If a young man or woman comes to me and they’re on fire for the Lord, here’s the counsel I would give to them, “Look, you’re on fire for the Lord. Look for a spouse who’s on fire for the Lord. Let the lukewarm believers marry each other.”
Pray together
Secondly, pray together regularly. I have to say, this is the main thing that my wife and I do together almost every day. It’s not every day, since sometimes things happen in the morning or we’re apart or one of us is traveling, but almost every day, we pray together to start the day. Sometimes it’s a very brief prayer. Sometimes it’s longer, but it’s an important part of our day to get us started praying together.
Go to church together
Thirdly, go to church together. It’s very simple. Go to church, talk about what you’ve received in the worship, talk about what you received from the message, and not just to complain about whatever it is you didn’t like in the church service. Just to go to church and let that be an experience where you’re encouraged together.
Serve together and encourage one another’s service
Fourthly, if at all possible, find a way to serve together or to encourage each other’s service. I know that I have gifts and callings from God, and my wife Inga-Lill has been the chief encourager in my life for that. But I know my wife has gifts and callings as well, and I’ve tried to encourage those and give her the backing and the support she needs to do those things as well.
When believers who get married in Germany, they often include a theme verse for their wedding. You and I figured out just a couple years ago, a long time after we got married, that we had a theme verse to our wedding, but we didn’t even know it at the time. This is the verse: Psalm 34:3 – Oh, magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together.
We never realized that that was a marriage verse for us, but it is, and that really contributes to the spiritual growth that we have together. Okay, I’ve gone on long enough. Inga-Lill, what are some of your thoughts?
Inga-Lill Guzik: I think those are good points. Always be sure to intentionally keep growing as individuals throughout your lives. The question is, “How do we grow together, and how do we encourage each other in that spiritual growth?” I think it has to come first from your individual walk with the Lord, knowing that you’re pursuing the Lord, you’re in the Word, you’re in worship, you’re doing those things. As you’re each doing those things personally, that experience can be shared when you come together for those same things. I think people should avoid always having a routine or always having things be the same, because then you fall into the trap of routine and it doesn’t become unique and Spirit-led. So always look for new ways and new opportunities to encourage each other in the Lord, as a brother and a sister.
Keep in mind that we are still individuals in the Lord. We’re not just husband and wife; we are also brother and sister inthe Lord. I want the best for him spiritually, and he wants the best for me spiritually. So, we’re going to always look for ways to encourage each other. How can I encourage him or pick up on clues that he’s discouraged? How can I give him the encouragement that he needs in the Lord? It’s important for us to find biblical and spiritual ways to encourage each other. As you pursue each other, you pursue the spiritual aspect of growing together. You can ask, “Honey, how have you been growing this week?” or “What did the Lord say to you in your reading?” We don’t have a regular program of reading the Bible together, but we often talk about the Scriptures.
As my brother in Christ and as my spouse, I want to see growth in him, because growth in him will result in growth for us.
David Guzik: I’m not an easy person to encourage, am I?
Inga-Lill Guzik: No, you’re not easy to encourage, and encouraging others doesn’t come natural to you, so you do work on that. And I just have to be more particular about knowing when I need encouragement and telling you about that so you can encourage me.
David Guzik: In summary, don’t be discouraged. Keep going. Keep doing what God’s called you to do. This is absolutely an area of spiritual attack. So pray together a lot and encourage one another. Those things are all very important.