How Should I Handle A Difficult Parent-In-Law Who Refuses Help?

Q: The Bible says to honor my parents, but what should I do about my mother-in-law who is giving us a hard time, not listening to advice, and refusing to take care of her health? It's affecting my wife's health and making her depressed.

A: First of all, I want to emphasize that the command to honor your father and mother is very important to follow, even if you can't get along with them. You still have to honor them from a distance. This is a biblical command. Even if you have to say no to them, you need to honor them in saying no. You can guide them where they don't want to go, but you still need to find ways to honor them, even if you have to maintain some distance.

It's understandable that you feel a sense of responsibility, but you can't take responsibility for your mother-in-law's life. The turmoil and hurt that it causes can be significant. I understand that your mother-in-law is not taking good counsel and is making her own life more difficult. However, you cannot regard it as your responsibility to fix this situation.

To the extent that you feel responsible, you will likely be miserable because she may not change. It's fine for you to suggest and offer help, but if she insists on going her own way, you need to let it go in your heart. Remember, you are not in authority over her, and you don't have that responsibility. I understand how difficult this is and how much it hurts, but you need to do the best you can with it.