Should Single Christians Simply Accept Lifelong Singleness? How Can The Church Better Support Singles?
Q: The modern world seems to divide men and women, and the church sometimes unintentionally worsens that divide. Should single Christians simply accept lifelong singleness? (And) How can the church better support and disciple single believers who often feel marginalized compared to couples and families?
A: David Guzik: It is absolutely true that God calls some believers to singleness, and He adequately gifts those people for singleness. This is expressly stated by the apostle Paul. We know that Jesus never married, although of course He has the Bride of Christ, the church. Paul was not married, at least during the days of his ministry. So, there is no inherent shame or disgrace attached to singleness in Christianity.
However, we also recognize that most people are called to be married, and most people should get married. Most Christians should get married. The human race won’t continue on if people don’t get married and have babies. That’s kind of a broader cultural reason for marriage. But there are lots of biblical and discipleship reasons for that as well.
Now, I think a lot of people think that way, but of course the difficulty is, “Lord, how do I find that one? How do I meet that person?”
Inga-Lill Guzik: Well, I think our viewer is also looking at the church, and what the church has done, and noticing that there is a problem. I think I understand what he says, because the church generally has a lot going on for couples and families. But maybe you can be part of the solution in your church, in changing the outlook on how we can incorporate singles more. I think the church is open to that. I think the church rolls along and doesn’t necessarily see all their blind spots. So, come into your own church and notice how can you be part of the solution to heighten people’s sensitivity to that. You can’t change the past, so don’t even mess with that. But pray about what you can do to change the verbiage and the climate of your church towards singles.
David Guzik: So, if I hear you right, you’re saying that when churches don’t do well in this area, it’s usually not because they’re filled with malice or discrimination against singles. It most often happens by neglect.
Inga-Lill Guzik: Right. And I think that churches who do singles ministry well, who make this distinction less important between singles and families, have given attention to this area, and they want to change the narrative about it. If your church isn’t doing so well in that area, seek to be part of the solution, or find a church who’s doing it well, where you’d feel more comfortable. The idea is not looking and waiting for the church to do it wrong, or make a mistake again, but simply allowing them to be more sensitive to the issue, and that is something that you can help with.
David Guzik: So, should a single person in the church just give up and remain single?
Inga-Lill Guzik: No, no, no. But recognize that being married isn’t the necessarily the end-all goal in life. Marriage is not the end-all goal. The end-all goal is for you to know God and make Him known. It’s for you to live your life in a constant process of being conformed into His image and to glorify His name. If if you can do that, and want to do that, as a single person, that’s great. That’s amazing and wonderful. If you want to do that as a married person, then pursue that purpose as well.
I wouldn’t exclude marriage, but I wouldn’t wait for life to start happening when you get married. Live your life the way God is calling you to live. It might be that you meet that person when you’re doing real life the way you want to be doing it, and honoring God, and then He will show you who that person is.
David Guzik: If you’re a single believer, and you do want to get married, and feel that your state of singleness is not something that God has for you for the rest of your life, then it is good to be looking for the right person. That’s not bad. But it’s even more important to put a focus on being the right person.
Inga-Lill Guzik: Yep, it’s about being the right person, and allowing the changes that God would want to do in you as a person, regardless of whether you are single or married. And both married people and single people should keep in mind that there is no marriage in heaven. That will be absolved.
If you want to live more selflessly, and practice daily dying to self, as we talked about, marriage is the great field to do that in. But if you want to live intentionally and purposefully as a single person in the things that God wants to do in and through your life, He can use that too. Singleness is temporary. Marriage is temporary. But we are all individuals in whom God is working out His perfect plan and purpose to be who He wants us to be.