When Does God Consider A Marriage To Be Dissolved?
I think we need to make a distinction between what God and human courts consider to be a real divorce. A human court may declare a marriage dissolved, but God may not consider it to be so.
A true divorce can happen in two general categories. First, a divorce can be made on the grounds of sexual immorality. It’s important to note that the act of sexual immorality does not automatically create divorce, but rather, it is used on behalf of a spouse who cannot find grounds for reconciliation with their partner, and maybe for good reason. Maybe the sin has been egregious, or maybe there’s been no repentance; regardless, the offended spouse can’t get past that. God says that is grounds for divorce in both the Old Testament and the New Testament. Moses, Jesus, and Paul all refer to that as grounds for divorce.
Secondly, a divorce can be made because of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse, as noted specifically by Paul there in 1 Corinthians 7. This can get a little bit complicated, because what constitutes abandonment? Does chronic drug abuse constitute abandonment? Maybe. Does abuse in some forms constitute abandonment? Probably, yes. We can see that. That’s why we have biblical principles. Then it’s up to wise, compassionate pastors to help apply those principles in the lives of their congregants.
We often receive questions where people want us to make some kind of determination on their behalf. We can give them the principles from the Bible, and we are happy to do that. But let’s be honest, to “roll up your sleeves” in a real ministry sense, to get into the business of a person’s life, to compassionately hear them out, ask questions, and go through the situation with them, or maybe even to call them out on some things can give you a different picture. The principles are there to help provide discernment.
When God gave permission for divorce on the basis of sexual immorality and/or abandonment, He meant it. If a marriage is dissolved, that person is no longer under obligation to a marriage vow. That’s what divorce is. The Bible itself makes a distinction between divorce and separation. A divorce is a marriage that’s over.
God does not look down from heaven and see three categories: single, married, and divorced. In God’s view, you’re either under obligation to a marriage vow or you’re not. If a person is not, because they’ve had a divorce on biblical grounds, then they are free to remarry, and it’s not considered adultery. There is a hard rule in the Christian world that is creating so much heartache. I dealt with it extensively in a video we put out a few years ago. The application of this rule has done tremendous damage in the body of Christ. I’ve had people come to me saying, “People have told my husband that unless he divorces me and leaves me and my three kids, he’s going to hell.” Why? Because it was a second marriage. Even though the first marriage was dissolved on biblical grounds, these likely well-meaning people come along and say, “No, if you are remarried, it means you’re in adultery and you’re going to hell.” That is an incorrect, dangerous, damaging doctrine which needs the light of God’s Word and truth to shine upon it.
Other people might argue that if you are married and you divorce for any reason at all, any future marriages are okay. These folks are taking one or two verses that speak about the issue of marriage and divorce but ignoring what other passages of Scripture say. That is a failure to rightly divide the Word of truth. You can’t just take a subject in Scripture, take a couple of verses about it as your doctrine, while you cross out the other verses that deal with it. I don’t mind corresponding with people who disagree with me. But each of us needs to take the whole of biblical truth into account.